well, since my mom wasnt here in kuching, we didnt get to eat this dumpling.. what more to say touch it or even see it? i didnt even know today is the dumpling day or whatsoever wu duan jie until last nite mom called and told us about it.. last nite she said what did she cook, what did they eat, really makes me a lil jealous.. they had wanton for lunch- something like dat.. and what we eat? instant noodles.. and outside food.. my aunt, who just live oposite us, didnt even bother to ask, if we got eat or not.. its not saying that we need symphaty from her or what.. its jus that, being as our aunt, aint she suppose to show some care for us? well.. apparently only my neighbour would bother about us, care for us.. thanks for her care all this while when mom wasnt here.. although we're able to take care of ourselves, she still take note of what we do, she even invited us to her house for dinner and so on.. my aunt? having a big family gathering dinner didnt even bother to give us a damn call.. why cant our aunt be like other people's aunt? listening them saying how good is their aunt really made me envy.. i just got a call from my neighbour not long ago, she asked us to go over to have dumpling.. but my sis didnt want to eat pork dumpling, so we didnt go.. and..


people eat dumpling, we eat instant noodle.. cool huh? well, according to mom last nite, she mentioned that tonight most family might have a big gathering family dinner.. just like what people owes did during chinese new year eve.. can say, our family, only can have our family dinner once a year.. why? our family are all seperated.. eldest sis is in KL, bro is in SG, then now even mom went to KL.. left who else? you know loo.. so its very hard to get us all together, settle down together and have our great meal.. this is why, i owes wanted to reach chinese new year soon.. its not because of the red packet, those new year sweeties and goodies.. its just because of one reason, is that we can have family dinner together..


and how about us?


somehow, i felt that the relationship between me and my family are begin to sort of- fade.. im starting to feel the loneliness and the life of being lonely.. everyday drive alone to school, come back home, the house is so empty and quite.. and i had to think what to eat for lunch is really tired.. many times, i skipped my lunch because of this.. what i did was, take a short nap and tried to study.. but as i wake up, house is still empty and quiet, this really spoilt my mood and made me no choice but on my computer to listen some songs and find someone to chat with.. i told myself that i wanted to study for this 2 weeks of holiday.. but i couldnt.. usually when mom is around and i study till dinner time, she'll go knock my room's door and ask me stop a while for dinner.. even sometimes she'll say, "after study so long should go out garden walk walk for a while to rest your eye.."- this really encourage me to study even more and hardworking.. but now, what i did, how i did, there's no much of meaning already ba i guess? i can no longer find those encouragement to study.. i know and i admit that study is need self discipline.. but sorry, i cant do it.. i dont know how am i going to get over with the coming STPM.. dear God, can you please teach me how and lead me?